All people want to be with those who are clean and neat. So make sure to take a bath every day, put deodorant and brush your teeth thrice a day. If you want you can apply perfume, just be sure to apply it in moderation. Dress cleanly and try to be on trend.


Don’t try to suddenly take huge steps. To become more social you need to learn how to expand your comfort zone, slowly. If you have a tendency to do things alone or with an old friend, just try going a step further.  Go to a place where there’ll be plenty of people you don’t know well.  Don’t sit in a circle and talk to only the people you know. Use parties or meals with friends as an opportunity to talk to people who are in your circle but you don’t know well.


Master chatting with people you’re unfamiliar with so you can speak to people who you actually want to get to know later. Coming over to talk to a pretty girl at a bar or going into a circle of unknown people and inserting yourself into the conversation requires advanced social skills. You might never be an accomplished conversationalist without trying small things first.   Find your own way to approach strangers and open your mind to them.

You can come up with a variation of the method I developed when I was a kid. My teacher suggested that I ask random people what time it was. I thought it was for fun but now I see that it was a simple exercise to teach social skills. Just asking people about the time quickly went into much further conversation and so I advise you to try the same… Chat with a taxi driver, passengers seated next to you on a train, or a shop assistant. You can ALWAYS say something more than “hi” or “how much does it cost” or “thanks.” Talk to a person waiting with you in a queue or with a barrista who is making your coffee. Ask when the bus is coming, or say that there are so many people here today. Whatever matches the situation and is said in a friendly way with a smile will be great. You’ll be surprised by the positive effect!


Do you know the saying “barking dogs seldom bite?” Don’t let yourself believe that people who speak too much are the only ones who have anything really important to say.  I sometimes think that people who speak loudly and talk a lot must think of their voices as some music we all must hear, unfortunately… Never let yourself believe that people who speak too much have more to say, because it’s usually quite the opposite. Really chatty people are usually by no means the most interesting people in the world. I’m sure you have at least as much as they do to say.  It’s high time for you to believe that you do too!


If you want motivation for becoming more social you need positive feedback from others. There are certain things all likeable people have in common. Try to incorporate some new ways of communication.

  • Smile a lot. There’s no person in the world who doesn’t like an honest smile. If you’re not used to it, train in front of the mirror everyday.
  • Speak loud and clear so people don’t have to struggle to understand what you’re saying.
  • When people talk to you ask them questions and follow the conversation. It’ll pleasantly boost their ego, because everyone needs to be listened to.
  • Ask people for advice. They love to feel validated and important.
  • Ask open questions so the conversation doesn’t get stuck on “yes” or “no” responses.


Introverted people usually like silence. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Once you accept the fact that during your interactions you may experience silence, it will cease to be awkward.


Many people need alcohol or drugs to become more sociable. Why is this?  Are they becoming different people? No! They’re simply eliminating the block inside their heads that makes them control themselves all the time.  Switch off this auto censorship because it’s useless. Other people are usually less judgmental than you think. They could really care less because they have their own issues. Simply enjoy being with people, without questioning everything you’re going to say a million times.

Try meditation. It may sound counterintuitive for an introvert to do something that’s seemingly an even more isolated activity but this really helps get you out of your head. Just sit down, set a timer for 15-minutes, close your eyes and take slow breaths into your stomach. As you do this, you’ll notice that a lot of random thoughts will invade your mind – things you probably haven’t thought about for years – but that’s okay. Just become aware of those thoughts and try letting them pass (thinking of nothing).

Doing this will clear your head of excess thoughts that permeate your subconscious mind. This will greatly improve your ability to be in the moment when talking to others, instead of filtering your thoughts.


Find people in your area with similar interests. Do you play guitar? Maybe you should check out an open mic night or the musician’s classifieds. It’ll be easier to expand your social circle with people who share your passion.


Sarah Williams